Can You Correct This? Grammar And Bad English (A Keyboard Warriors Wet Dream)


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MC2
How would you fix the sentences below? What would you take out, where would you put in commas, or how would you completely rewrite the whole thing if it's too shitty to even be worth fixing? #BusinessEnglish

These sentences in the Bold font are responses given to 'mock client' inquiries, from students currently going to a local hotel school.

A and B below are some of my suggestions.

1) For easy access to restaurants and shops as well within half an hour to the Airport I would say Seminyak area will be the best option :-)

A) For easy access to restaurants and shops, within half an hour to the Airport , I would suggest Seminyak as your best option.
B) For easy access to restaurants and shops, with only a 30 minute drive to the Airport, I would suggest Seminyak as your best option.

2) Villa Kaizan is ideal for a small family or a group of friends. I love the ambiance that the villa gives you. Great location in Seminyak. There are 3 bedrooms on the ground floor plus a loft on the top floor with a double bed + mosquito net (in case the 2 single doesn't want to share bed) with good air circulation however there is no bathroom and no AC/Fan.

3) Thank you for your enquiry for a villa in Bali for your next visit. I have include our blog post for Canggu area, please see here.

4) Please note that I havenít placed any of these villas on hold therefore availability may change at any time. Should you be interested in any of the above, please let me know and I will place it on hold for you for 3 days.

5) I just called Villa Kawan to make sure regarding the location.
The staff said the location is not in Kebo Iwa but in Pangkung Tibah, the staff from Villa Kawan said its's about 20 minutes driver from Kailasha.
Villa Kawan and Caz Villa are near to each other, D'Sawah around 15 minutes from Villa Kawan, Villa Coco and Pan Pac near to each othe as well.


TomS
So you wanting points 2 through to 5 re-written in proper English as you've done for 1?

If so that's easily feasible. I can understand why as well, as if I was a Westerner visiting I'd be thinking I'm heading somewhere fresh with responses like that.

For 1 I'd go with A out of your two suggestions, but would update the second clause to "within half an hour's commute to the airport". Airport isn't capitalised and I think adding the commute verb adds value. Third clause update to "I would recommend the Seminyak area as your best option" (assuming Seminyak is a suburb?).

Points 2 to 5 are wholesale re-writes as fore mentioned but I could PM you some suggested sentence structures to convey those messages.

MC2
I think clause 2 is better without "commute", it may be best to keep the English as simple as possible. And yeh, it's not grammatically correct to capitalise Airport, unless it's Sydney Airport, Darwin Airport - but I just like the way it looks.

No apostrophe in "Hours" - It shouldn't even be pluralised, even though it sounds right to us natives when pluralised..

Yeh 2 - 5 are complete re-writes,.

MC2
Actually I take that back, it's "Half an hours", not pluralising but because the half belongs to the hour. Fuck I actually don't know. My bad.

MC2
Showing possession of a singular noun, yes you are right too, but I think you can do it either way.

TomS
Yup you got there. Can show possession for the hour as it's singular, and airport shouldn't be capitalised but if you like it that way then run with it. Personally I don't mind people applying capitals in such a manner, so long as it's applied consistently throughout the document or website.

As for the level of English it depends on your target clientele. I'm not privy to that information. Dumbing it down could make you come across as dumb, or ensure that your message is understood, subject to who your audience is.

Also consider simple sentences with minimal use of commas if you are going to take a simplification approach.

Have fun with teh grammaz!

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